


Let's Waste Time

by Yoh_ii



Series: If My Heart Was a House [3]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Amnesia, Durincest, Everyone lives/Nobody dies, Fili is the best older brother, M/M, Mirkwood messes you up, Sibling-incest, Stuff goes down
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-19
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-18 10:20:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3566078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yoh_ii/pseuds/Yoh_ii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He should have known really; Fili assumed that the worst that could happen was a few bruised eyes between the company, and some wounded egos. Maybe the cretins following them finally showing themselves only to be bested by their company and finally rid of their incessant clink snip clink snip clink. </p><p>But then they came upon the lake in the middle of the forest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chasing

**Author's Note:**

> Phew! Finally finished this! It was such a drag to edit- I started writing it without proof checking it at all, and when it came to editing, I fumbled around a bit. Re-reading my own stuff in its draft stages make me kind of hate it haha so it's a bit annoying wanting to erase the whole thing and starting over again. Hopefully I get the hang of it better next chapter! This is mostly a move along chapter, and even though I don't very much like those, I kind of enjoyed writing this. This is beta'd by the most wonderful dicey101 (how do I even add that linkey thingy? jeez), who I've been pestering quite a bit! Thank you for putting up with my random asks and pokings as to how you liked the chapter. You have such patience with me orz All other errors are my own stubborn doing. 
> 
> While writing this, I was listening to "All Myself To You" by Yiruma, and between the 0:55 to 1:06 it just says (it's instrumental piano/violin, beautiful piece) "I'm yours" in such a "I've always been here" way, that it made me think of these two. Idk. Yiruma is very easy to write to, and I recommend him to everyone that writes. His pieces are pretty varied too. 
> 
> The title is a line from "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol. That song is so Fili and Kili that it _hurts_. 
> 
> This is not going to be completely canon compliant, but it will follow the canon story line major events (sorta). I'm a sucker for happy endings.

If Fili ever thought darkness was uniquely based on sight and just an absence of light, he would have rethought it all as the company steadily, but slowly, made their way through the Mirkwood forest. Maybe it was the way the air itself seemed to press in on them, even though they've been in the woods for just a couple of days. He felt that if he reached out, he would be able to curl his hand around the dark in front of him and somehow _grasp_ onto it. It was an unsettling feeling. The dark should be second nature to him--has been since he could remember, his first hunt with Kili and the way their eyes could search out targets in the dead of night clear in his mind--yet this one seemed filled with ill intent.

This quest of theirs was important, possibly even more important than their own lives. He could see it in the rigid line of Thorin's shoulders, and the way his gaze stayed distant and focused. If they were to fail, be it by reaching the mountain and confronting a dragon, or not even being able to cross these woods, their parting to the Waiting Halls would not be a peaceful one. If there was a way to challenge the gate keepers themselves, Thorin would find a way. In a sense, the strong headed stubbornness that drove their uncle forward also filled Fili with a similar drive.

The dwarrows around him were mostly silent, talking only when necessary and avoiding touching like all of them had some kind of contagious disease. It was like an itch underneath his skin, irritation sparking at every little thing. At one point Bofur- sweet, sweet Bofur, with his silly hat- sneezed just a few feet in front of him, and Fili had been a second away from reaching forward and smacking him for it. He managed to stop himself at the last second however, ignoring the confused look Bilbo threw at him from his side. Kili didn't even look back from where he was walking with Thorin at the front of the company.

Which was one of the many things that were bothering Fili and making him even more annoyed at his surroundings and everyone in general. The Mirkwood didn't even need to be as ominous as it was for Fili to wish they were back in Beorn's warm and big halls, eating big meals and sleeping on soft, relatively safe grounds. Even if the man that played their host was a giant shapeshifter who rather liked almost scaring them right out of their lives and into early graves.

_"Holy Father of the Valar- IS THAT A **BEAR**?!”_

_The shouted words had Fili and Kili springing apart as if they had been burned- and Fili was sure he was burning, if the tingling in his lips where Kili's had almost touched said anything, or the roaring heat coursing through his veins and settling in his chest and making his heart try and pound its way out of his chest._

_They turned around as one, eyes similarly wide and coming together to rest on a pointing Bilbo. The hobbit was just leaning out of the window next to the door- Fili sheepishly leaned away from it, realizing he'd been slumping against it- and looking scandalized and not just a little horrified._

_"Well, don't just stand there you two! There was a giant bear just passing through those trees over there!" Bilbo continued, eyes scanning the horizon and head tilting side to side as if he was listening to something._

_Fili followed his--tiny--pointing finger, watching Kili do the same from the corner of his eye. He didn't see anything, although the meadow itself seemed more silent, as if a settling calm had fallen over it. It felt more protected, somehow, and Fili admitted that maybe something had crossed the fenced borders, even though he hadn't seen it._

_"Why were you at the window anyways, Mr. Baggins?" Fili heard Kili ask their burglar, a tone of frustration coloring his words and making Fili try to hide a smile. If anything, it at least let him know that what had almost happened between them--again!-- hadn't been completely one-sided, and definitely not his imagination playing tricks on him. He could see the hobbit splutter for an answer, before giving them a tiny, indignant sniff. Again with the small mannerisms that Fili knew drove Thorin up the walls with aggravation. Bilbo seemed to do it completely subconsciously, which spoke even more clearly of his character._

_"Your uncle sent me to get you, if you must know. The old grump insisted you two get a good night's rest-" a small scoff from Kili had Bilbo sighing and Fili could see him trying to suppress a smile of his own, "-okay, so probably not in those exact terms certainly, but Thorin is not as hard to read as he seems to think he is. I rather let him continue to believe he is some sorts of mysterious- wouldn't do to get his Majesty even more hard headed than he is already," Bilbo shrugged, and Fili couldn't help a weird cross between a smile and a gaping mouth that Kili was mirroring. No one but their oblivious little hobbit could ever say as much about Thorin with so much genuineness and no hint of mocking in his voice._

_"Don't worry Mr. Baggins, we won't tell uncle what you said," Kili grinned, a hand coming up to raggedly push his hair back. Most of it came tumbling down again, and Fili resisted the urge to reach over and properly comb the wild mess with his fingers, untangle the knots and wrestle braids into Kili's hair. It took almost all of his not inconsiderable self-restraints--being an older brother, and especially to someone like Kili, tended to cement control very firmly--to instead stand still and clench his hands by his sides lest he do something embarrassing like trying to groom Kili in front of somebody else._

_The way Bilbo was eyeing him with furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips told him his attempts at controlling himself failed miserably. Never let it be said that Fili didn't try. He could see Bilbo's eyes flickering between him and Kili, the same puzzled look that grew on his face whenever he looked at them being aimed at Fili. Fili didn't know about Hobbit culture--he didn't even know what they were before he met their burglar--and he was partly sure that two brothers getting weirdly cosy with each other was not the norm for their small companion._

_Before he could get even one word in Kili was already patting Bilbo on the head and steadily ignoring the glare it got him, and threw an arm around the hobbit's shoulder. He steered him inside, shooting Fili a mildly apologetic look over his shoulder before disappearing inside once again, keeping up a one-sided conversation as only Kili could._

_After that, everything sort of blurred together for Fili- the giant bear appeared again (and Gloin's very manly shriek had not been funny at all) and turned out to be an even bigger man who Gandalf had graciously forgotten to mention hated dwarrows. Their hobbit had come through for them once again however, and charmed the obscenely big shapeshifter and with Gandalf’s help secured them provisions for the long road ahead._

_The night before their departure had been filled with laughter and more ale than even Dwalin could drink, and only Thorin and Bilbo went to sleep slightly less drunk than the rest of them. Bofur burst into a song as soon as his first tankard was half-way done, Gloin and Nori noisily joining him. Even Bifur had sung along in his grumbled Khuzdul, the traditionally dwarven song of glory filled battle and tragic ends more enjoyable in the gravelly tone. Fili could have sworn Thorin followed the music, if the constant **thump thump thump** from his boots meeting the floor were any indication._

_Kili hadn’t left his side, drinking more than his fill and tipsily leaning on his shoulder. It took a lot of Fili--this quest was proving to be more trying than he would have thought-- to not wrap his arm around the drunk dwarf, the glaringly obvious stare of their uncle more than enough incentive to not give in. He couldn’t feel disapproval in it as much as a steady rising confusion. Their uncle knew both of them since the day each of them were born. In a sense, he was more of a father to them than their own father was._

_Thorin knew them to be close- closer than most siblings were, and closer than Thorin had been with his own sister and brother. Fili knew that it was because of the heavy burden placed on him from a young age- standing to the right of King Thror’s throne at just 24! Barely a tween in dwarfish standard. And although Thorin was focusing on grooming Fili as his heir, and future King, he put nowhere near the same pressure Thorin himself received as a youth. Small miracle._

_Fili drank just as much as the rest, although his tolerance to alcohol was just on the side of better than most- his and Ori’s surprisingly, Balin’s coming as no surprise, and Bombur acting as if he hadn’t just drunk as much as a constantly tripping Dwalin. Nori was now stutteringly trying to hug Bofur, knocking their heads together repeatedly, and Fili really didn’t want to know anything about that. Dori was having a hushed conversation with Oin, although the replies from the older dwarf were anything but quiet._

_The only giveaway to Thorin being remotely inebriated was the constant squinting of his eyes, as if he couldn’t see very well, or he was glaring at everything that moved. Either one seemed possible to Fili at the moment. He could also see Gandalf giving them a half smirk from the corner, having politely turned down the drinks and opting to probably remind them all tomorrow of the many foolish things occurring now. Like Gloin trying to draw an unwilling Bifur for a round of dancing that looked more like drunken stomping and Dwalin falling over a pack yet again._

_“They all look so, so ridiculous,” Kili’s voice drew his eyes to the side, his younger brother leaning back on his elbows and looking at the company with mirth on his face. Fili thought it looked rather good on him- happiness has always looked brilliant on Kili’s face. His brother’s face was made for smiling and laughing and nothing ever felt as good as when Fili was the cause of it. The tiny slur under the words just made him sound even more relaxed than normal._

_“You **sound** ridiculous brother of mine,” he said with a laugh, running a hand through Kili’s brown hair, making his brother whine as it stuck up in all directions, “you drank your weight in ale, and that’s not an inconsiderable amount,” Fili teased with a small grin, leaning to the side when Kili tried aiming a smack his way._

_“You call me fat, and yet still can’t take your eyes off of me, huh,” Kili mumbled with a sudden stillness, the words making Fili cringe as they rang too true. He didn’t think his brother had noticed the way his eyes would always stray towards Kili as if they were drawn there by an impossible to overcome force. Before he could think too much into it, Kili was laughing, patting his back with more force than he probably meant to use and leaning against him once more._

_“I don’t mind, rather….um, rather me? Yeah, rather me, than anyone else,” Kili smiled lopsidedly, laughing when Dwalin tripped again- the dwarf was a lethal warrior really- and fell face first on a surprised Ori’s lap. Dori and Nori rushed unsteadily to their feet and ran to their younger brother, pulling a half-asleep Dwalin off poor Ori. Fili could see the young scribe’s cheeks coloring pink from across their scattered circle._

_Kili hummed, eyes narrowing and Fili could practically see the workings inside his head before those same eyes were turning to him, wide and laughing. Fili nodded- yes, he noticed too. They weren’t as subtle as they all seemed to think- maybe he wasn’t as subtle as he thought he was either, if the sly- Nori- and confused - Bilbo- looks he kept getting were telling at all._

_“I don’t fancy not having my brother’s attention all to myself. I’m selfish and greedy like that,” Kili said, head resting comfortably on Fili’s shoulder. They were heavy words, and not something to be said under the influence of alcohol, yet Fili did nothing to stop them, instead giving in and wrapping an arm around his brother’s shoulders. Still a brotherly touch, nothing less and nothing more. At this point, Fili couldn’t deny himself touching Kili one way or another._

_Words were already forming in his mind--”There’s not anyone else I would rather give it to”-- but Kili’s breath was already deepening, sleep claiming him easier in his inebriated state, and Fili smiled, even if it meant his brother would probably forget entirely what he'd said._

_It wasn’t too long before his own eyes were closing, the last thing Fili saw was Kili’s face relaxed in sleep and looking too young to be here and following them so deep into such a dangerous quest. He knew that if he ever voiced those thoughts Kili would definitely try to rip his braids clean off._

After that, they all woke up before the first rays of sunlight were even in the horizon, their ponies saddled with food and goods for their travel. No one talked, most of the dwarrows cringing at barely loud noises, and grumbling about headaches and stomachaches. Thorin strutted on with confidence and not even a trace of a hangover, their burglar also suspiciously fine. Fili elected to focus on his whining brother, going as far as giving Kili a temple massage in hopes of lessening the other’s headache. Kili assured him with a small smile that it really did work. Getting to resume their earlier closeness so casually did much to alleviate most of his own hungover mood.

It came as no surprise, not to Fili, when Gandalf announced he was leaving them and heading back on some _Very Serious Wizard Business_. And although the wizard was shady at best, Fili knew not to doubt such powerful beings. They were warned not to stray from the elven path, and to follow it to the other side of the forest. They weren’t sure how long it would take them to cross it, but that it was the best route to take.

Just being outside the dark forest sent weird chills down Fili’s spine, and he could see he wasn’t the only one being affected. Even Thorin seemed more cautious than usual, Dwalin sticking close to their leader in case anything came suddenly at them. A ridiculous notion, as Thorin was easily the best warrior out of all of them. They were dwarrows, and the urge to join battle and get the glory of victory ran inside all of them. Fili knew he did good to remember that this quest wasn’t for glory or recognition- although if they succeeded, it would happen either way- but to retake what was taken from their people through death and fire.

No sooner did the company step foot inside the forest, the ponies freed and heading back to their shape shifting master, that Fili wished they could have taken the long road around the forest instead. There was no wind, no whistling sound of leaves moving. Their breathing sounded oddly loud, and just a few hours inside and walking on the crumbling and fading path, Fili knew his heart rate was a steady 120 beats per minute. At one point Bombur had wandered close, and Fili could have sworn he could hear even his heart beat and moved away.

Already two fights almost broke their group; Ori had accidentally bumped into a walking Kili, and the taller dwarf snapped, shoving Ori away. Surprisingly enough, Ori shoved back as good as he got, Dori and Nori at their brother’s side in an instant. Fili didn’t even think before he was wedging himself between the three Ri brothers and Kili, a growl formed deep in his chest when he saw Kili rubbing his shoulder with a frown on his face.

Only Thorin’s raised voice managed to snap them back to themselves, shame replacing the previous anger as they all rushed to apologize to each other. After that, Kili took to walking ahead with their uncle, not looking back even when Bofur wildly cursed a scowling Gloin. That too was easily resolved by Thorin’s frosty glare. 

They continued like that for two days, stopping only when the scarce light that made it through the tall trees was completely gone and the wood around them refused to light up even though it was completely dry. Bilbo once managed a weak flame that lit up a sickly green, and was then hurriedly put out. 

Conversation was kept to a minimum, afraid that if they did manage to say something that wasn’t laden with sarcasm or hidden frustration, it would eventually turn into more problems. Food was consumed quickly and without the usual joy and gratefulness dwarrows ate with. It was unnerving, and Fili was getting more and more sick of the accursed forest and the feeling of being watched from the shadows and being sitting ducks. He wasn’t used to sitting and waiting for the action to come to him; from the constant distance between him and his brother, Fili could see Kili was feeling the same. 

He should have known really; Fili assumed that the worst that could happen was a few bruised eyes between the company, and some wounded egos. Maybe the cretins following them finally showing themselves only to be bested by their company and finally rid of their incessant _clink snip clink snip clink_. 

But then they came upon the lake in the middle of the forest.


	2. Turbid Waters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every single second spent inside the cursed forest was playing sickly on Fili's nerves. The appearance of an obstacle had all of the dwarves on edge and skittish. He could see Ori nervously wringing his hands together, glancing left and right. Fili knew he too was able to sense the beady eyes following their every move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! This took me a lot longer than I thought it would? Mainly because it's- again- a progress chapter. With what happens at the end of it, things should start moving along a little bit faster. I'm sorry if it's a lot of rambling! I've written a little side fic, "Always Besides You", if you want some snuggles ASAP and don't want to wait for it to happen here. It does tie in with this 'verse though ovo/ This is un-beta'd as of now; my beta is a busy girl! If anyone has the spare time to lend me a hand, shoot me an ask over at goldenheartoferebor.tumblr.com :3c
> 
> The chapter title is so unoriginal, please give me ideas or a generator lol I just don't like leaving the space for it blank I guess. Writing this chapter, I mostly listened to meditating music, and used ZenWriter quite a bit. It helped with the overall mood of the chapter. Again, "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol was on repeat when it came to Fili and Kili interaction. Which is not a lot here, I'll admit. Hopefully you guys still stick it out with me! I'll be writing little ficlets in between chapters; mostly of things that happened since they left Ered Luin to where this series officially starts at the Carrock scene.

As far as lakes went, the one the company encountered in their path through the Mirkwood forest was annoyingly ordinary. The water was darker than Fili had seen anywhere else, but that could have been because of the limited light the dense canopy of the trees around them let in. There were several posts on its shore, rope barely clinging to them as if the very boats they've been tied to had been ripped away. Yet the water was eerily still, as if there was no life within in and no current carrying it. 

In result to its stillness, a sickening stale odor came from it. The sickness of the forest hadn't spared even the water that fed it. It seems the wizard wasn't lying when he said he had important matters to attend to. 

Every single second spent inside the cursed forest was playing sickly on Fili's nerves. The appearance of an obstacle had all of the dwarves on edge and skittish. He could see Ori nervously wringing his hands together, glancing left and right. Fili knew he too was able to sense the beady eyes following their every move.

"Fili! Kili! With me," Thorin called out, closer to the shore than all of them, his gaze narrowed forward. His tone seemed harsher than normal, his words clipped. Fili couldn't find it in himself to fault him, though he did feel a prickling of irritation at being called as if he was a young dwarfling. Looking ahead, he could see a frown pulling down Kili's eyebrows. 

Still, without a moment's hesitation or a word of protest they both went to their uncle's side. Their eyes never met, and Fili felt dread curl deep in his belly, doubt filling him from the inside out at the tentative way his brother walked, the bounce in his steps gone. _It was entirely wrong_. 

"You have the youngest and sharpest eyesight out of this company," Thorin spoke, the words directed at both of them as he pointed to the far side of the still lake, "is there anything on the other side of these _accursed_ waters that can help us safely cross?”

It was more a demand than an actual question.

Without giving a response he and Kili walked even closer to the shore, making sure not to slip in the muddy bank- though only part of it was wet, the other weirdly cracked and dry, as if the water hadn't touched it in a long time. This close, Fili could see that the water really was dark, and not just an illusion created by the blackness around them. Something about it was screaming at him that it was _not natural_. 

It was Kili who saw it first, his eyes sharper than Fili's and trained by his relentless pursuit of archery. If Kili was something- beside annoying as every little brother should be- was restless and tireless; he never gave up on anything he set his mind to.

"Over there! A...boat of sorts. If we could pull it to us, we might be able to use it to cross," Kili said, pointing slightly to the left. It looked as if he was pointing at mist, though after a minute Fili too could see the vague outline of what was once a fisherman's boat.

"It's probably not big enough for all of us. We will have to go in pairs of three at most," he added, chancing a smile at his brother when Kili nodded. It was returned with more of a grimace, but at least he'd been able to look Kili in the eye. It was pathetic to count it as improvement, but he did.

Thorin nodded with something akin to pride, but that also could have been the light playing a trick on them. Daylight was almost running out, the darkness around them becoming more oppressing as the hours wore on. Fili had never wished as hard as he was now, praying to Mahal and every Valar willing to listen to a dwarf; if they lingered one second too long in this forest, only harm will come to them. The thought that something could happen to Kili was enough to have him volunteering to throw a hook to try and catch the boat's edge. 

It took a few tries, and not a little bit of cursing, for the makeshift hook to land a good grip on the boat's walls. The company gave muted cheers at the small success, Bofur's loudest than the others. The miner was keeping in oddly good spirits despite the gloomy and strained silence that had fallen over them in the past few days. Bofur kept patting Nori, calming down him whenever he got too riled up. Fili thought he'd never see the day when Nori would willingly follow words that hadn't come from his two brothers.

Between him, Dwalin, Gloin, and Dori, the boat made steady progress towards them. They could have just told Dori to use all his considerable strength to help haul it over, but the boat was nothing more than its skeleton, the parts inside missing now clear as it came closer and was gently dragged halfway to shore. It was their only chance of crossing relatively unharmed, and by the considering look on Thorin's face, their leader had already made his choice.

"Gloin, Oin, Bilbo," Thorin called out to each, motioning them over with a small tilt of his head, "you go first. There is no telling what could be on the other side, but Gloin will be able to keep whatever at bay while the rest of us cross," he said, giving Gloin a sharp nod when the red headed dwarf grunted agreement, turning to the side to repeat what Thorin said to Oin in a louder voice. 

Thorin's voice left no room for argument, and even Bilbo closed his mouth when the narrowed eyes settled on him. 

"Kili, help me tie the hook more securely to the boat?" Fili asked his quiet brother, Thorin's barking orders in the background as he gave clear instructions on what to do if enemies were to be on the other side of the lake. Energies were once again running high on all of them, the muttering between the dwarves- Bofur's and Nori's in particular- growing once more. The hope that their journey inside this forest might be coming to an end rising in all of them. Even Bifur seemed slightly excited.

"Yeah," Kili muttered, moving to the boat without a look in his direction again, and Fili just about had enough of his flippant attitude. He would have pulled Kili to the side and shaken an answer out of him if not for the impatient stare he was now getting from half the company behind him. Fili had almost forgotten just _how_ irritating other dwarrows were. 

In just a few minutes the metal hook was tightly secured to the raggedy boat, a few strong pulls to it alleviating any worries that it might come loose in the middle of the lake. The oars were nowhere to be found, but before another argument could break out Ori and Bombur found adequate enough branches, thick enough to row with. One was given to each of the first passengers, Ori passing the smallest one to Bilbo with a rueful grin that was returned with the same amount of humor. 

Bilbo looked half-scared to death, insisting that hobbits were not meant to be so close to such a big body of water _thank you very much._ Fili secretly felt the same about dwarrows; their bodies, although smaller than most creatures of Middle Earth, were dense. He had no doubt that if it came to swimming across, they would sink to the bottom without a second to try and prevent it. 

"Stop pouting like a little halfling and get on the twice-cursed boat, Bilbo," said Thorin, with much more humor in his voice than when he addressed the others before, Fili's sharp ears not missing the way his uncle's voice softened just a small bit. However odd, it worked, and Bilbo slowly got in, a hard yank from a laughing Gloin make him stumble inside. The squeak it got out from their hobbit was enough to make some of them chuckle, Fili sharing a quick smile with his otherwise silent brother. 

They all watched with baited breath as the trio slowly rowed, the water slouching against the wood as the boat creaked with the added weight. Their worry turned into quick relief when the first passengers shouted back that everything was clear on their end. Fili slowly released the breath he was holding.

"Dori, Nori, Ori, you will go next," Thorin called, him and Dwalin- again with the help of Dori-slowly pulled the boat back by its hooked rope. 

The Ri brothers didn't give any outward sign of arguing, although Fili did see Ori shoot a nervous glance in Dwalin's direction. Nori was less subtle in the way he patted a scowling Bofur on the arm, leaning in to whisper something in the miner's ear that had Bofur immediately brightening again. Fili _really_ didn't want to know. 

The boat went and came back again, this time Bombur and Balin getting on and crossing. Already more than half an hour passed, the progress slow but fruitful. Only Thorin, Kili, Dwalin, Bofur, Bifur, and Fili himself were left. Next to cross were Bofur, Bifur, and Dwalin. The latter being the first one to vehemently protest.

"Do you think so lowly of my skills as a fighter, Dwalin?" growled Thorin when Dwalin shouted something about protecting the line of Durin. Really, he should have known better than to insinuate anything remotely close to Thorin needed any kind of safe guarding. 

"You know that is not what I mean!" Dwalin said, although the ferocious tone had left his voice, his shoulders sagging in acceptance as he ushered the confused looking Bofur, and Bifur inside the boat. Fili understood him in a sense, because he would be just as against leaving Kili by himself. 

With a glare worthy of melting pure gold, Dwalin set off with Bifur and Bofur, shouting in Khuzdul to hurry up and row. Kili muffled a laugh at the loud words, quickly turning it into a fake cough when Thorin's narrowed eyes came to rest on him. 

"Is there something you find funny about that?" he asked, and for a second both brothers stilled. Just as fast though, Fili spotted a small smile quirking his uncle's lips and he smiled back, elbowing Kili when his brother looked confused between the two of them. The laugh he stopped before came out now, brighter than it has been in days and lifting Fili’s spirits. If Kili was still able to laugh so openly and genuinely, Fili had faith everything was going to be alright. 

His mother always told him to be careful of his thoughts; that sometimes fate liked to be contradictory just to shake mortal creatures like them. She told him that over fifty years ago, and he didn’t bother to remember it now. 

Between the three of them, they managed to reel in the creaking boat back to their shore. There was a missing piece of wood on the side, as if something hard had smashed into it. Something like a dwarven elbow probably. Fili winced in sympathy for whoever’s appendage that had been. Getting in wasn’t as easy as all the others made it seem, or maybe it was just his height mocking him again. Kili laughed when his first attempt failed, but offered his hand to help without Fili having to ask.

Thorin was already in, taking one of the ‘oars’ and prodding the water around them; his eyes always vigilant and searching out new threats. Fili hoped they didn’t encounter any as they each took a branch and started rowing, his gut clenching in confused worry. The feelings he had when they first entered the sick forest were back and making his chest tighten.

They didn’t speak, choosing to use all of their energy to move the boat through the slouching water. It felt thick against the sides of the boat; denser somehow, like the honey his mother used for their morning breakfasts when Kili and he were no more than toddling dwarves. The sounds it made only furthered the comparison. He could see Kili scrunching up his nose in distaste and smiled. 

“It looks disgusting,” Kili turned to look at him as he said this, “like the water near the livestock’s pen, right?” he grimaced, adjusting his grip on the branch he was holding. 

The wood creaked.

There was no time to open his mouth to respond, the ominous sound clear to Fili’s ears. He was throwing the branch in his hands to the side, seeing Thorin do the same and reaching for Kili before he registered his body was moving. Time seemed to slow down as the cracked wood by Kili’s hips gave in, his body tilting to the side and swaying dangerously close to the new opening. Fili couldn’t move faster, the step that would take him closer to his brother seeming like a wide field instead.

Just as the sounds around them came to a halt- even the water beating against the sides of the boat eerily soundless- Kili took a deep, gasping breath, and fell sideways. 

“Kili!!!” 

Fili was sure he screamed the name, hearing it being echoed by their uncle, rushing forward at the same time Kili broke the surface of the water and went in, a muffled _thump_ telling them he’d probably hit something as he went down. Panic threatened to choke his very breath, Fili’s heart trying its damnedest to beat its way out of his chest. Thorin was by his side, scanning the once again still water.

“I’m going in,” Fili said, quickly shedding his outer layers. There was no way Kili could make it up again with so much heavy clothes on. Dwarrows were not made for water- especially not for ones that seemed as if they wanted to drag in victims and never let them go. Fili would never let anything take Kili away from him- not the mountains themselves separating their paths and certainly not some disgusting lake in the middle of nowhere.

“You can’t,” Thorin said, the order clear in his voice, “the water is sick. It’ll make him sick too,” he muttered, using the longer branch to carefully poke around their boat.

“Are you telling me to just leave him there!? I would first-” 

“I am saying no such thing! Fili, use your head- and lend me a hand to drag him in,” Thorin growled at him, his voice reverberating in the stillness around them as he pointed to the end of the branch he was holding. Dull, blue cloth was caught on its point, and Fili’s mouth shut with an audible _click_ as he helped Thorin pull, the water revealing wet, brown hair and ever so slowly, an unconscious Kili.

Uncontrollable dread suffocated him as his hands busied themselves with grabbing whatever part of Kili he could reach, finally snatching a limp arm in his grasp. The water was cold; colder than it looked and slimy, his hands clutching wildly at an unresisting Kili when his grip slipped. Fear was rapidly filling him, his carefully constructed facade of calm crumbling down in the face of Kili coming to any kind of harm. His brother’s life was more important to him than anything else; this quest, compared with the safety of Kili, was nothing.

With one last combined effort- Thorin having grabbed onto Kili’s other arm- they managed to pull Kili’s dead weight into the rocking boat. He was ashen pale, his face unmoving. Thorin cursed under his breath, and Fili was instantly on high alert, looking to where Thorin was now pushing away wet hair. The next curse to come was Fili’s, loud and unapologetic as he moved forward to inspect the gash running across Kili’s temple, blood sluggishly flowing from the cut.

For one heart stopping moment, Fili thought the worse; his breath hitching painfully at the stillness of Kili’s chest. It was short lived as his brother finally gave a muffled gasp, coughing up water when Thorin pressed on his chest. Fili watched helplessly as Kili had a coughing fit, turning to his side to retch whatever sick water he’d swallowed.

“Fili, row until we reach the other shore. We shouldn’t be far away,” Thorin ordered without breaking his gaze from Kili’s face, his hands patting Kili’s back as the youngest dwarf continued coughing.

Fili wanted to argue and stomp his foot and raise his voice and that _he, not Thorin, should be the one next to Kili no one but him_ but instead he stiffly nodded and searched for his forgotten branch, single-handedly and slowly rowing their boat towards their companions. He couldn’t help glancing back every few seconds, watching as Kili struggled to breath. Despite the way his body heaved water and after a few seconds started trembling, his eyes remained closed.

Terse minutes passed in silence, the ragged breathing from his brother making Fili row as fast as his arms permitted. Thorin remained by Kili’s side. No words were spoken between the two of them; Fili knew it was for the best. However calm he was used to being, it’d been a very long time since he had to see Kili injured in such a way. A decade, even. 

Soon enough, the chatter of their company could be heard over the splashing water. The first one to notice something was wrong, unsurprisingly to Fili, was Dwalin.

“What did I tell you about letting me go with you, eh?” he grouched, already knee deep in the grimy water- Fili wanted to tell him to get out of it but didn’t want to chance Dwalin’s rage- and reaching for the edge of the boat, “I knew something would happen,” Dwalin continue to murmur under his breath, glaring daggers at Thorin as their leader passed Kili’s limp body over to Dwalin. Again, Fili wanted to protest, to be the one to carry his brother and protect him even if he just failed to do so. An icy stare from his uncle stopped him before he could even speak.

“Kili just fell out of the boat. Probably hit his head,” Thorin said, huffing tiredly when the company exclaimed their worry as one, all rushing forward to check on the unresponsive dwarf. Only Oin was allowed closer by Thorin and Fili in the end, Bilbo sensibly telling all the others to step back and give Kili some breathing room. It was limited enough with the atmosphere in the forest. 

“He’s feverish, but nothing to concern ourselves with,” Oin finally said after minutes of silence; although they had felt longer as Fili kneeled down next to his seemingly sleeping brother, watching (and learning) as Oin checked for Kili’s pulse and then leaned down to hear his heartbeat with his ear trumpet. 

“This nasty gash on his head however…” the silver haired dwarf trailed off, shooting a heavy look at Thorin, “it looks infected. Possibly the waters doing, could bring some complications if not properly treated-”

“Complications??-” 

“Hush now, child. I am master at my trade, and I will not fail the Line of Durin by letting a scraggly cut win against my skills,” Oin cut him off before Fili could begin his hurried questioning. His voice was steady and almost calming, despite his rough words. Thorin was nodding to the side, standing up and directing the company to make camp. No one was moving from the spot until Kili’s condition was cleared.

If Thorin felt comfortable enough leaving Kili in Oin’s hands, then Fili knew he had nothing to worry about. Even if Kili looked pale beyond the bad lighting of the forest, or his breath remained shallow and uneven. He moved closer, cradling Kili’s head on his lap, soothing the matting hair to the side and out of the bleeding cut. 

“Please help him,” he whispered; to Oin, to Mahal, and to every Valar willing to aid them. Kili had to be alright. It would be meaningless without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have a tumblr, come over and let's be friends. I'm always looking for people to share headcanons and ideas with! :3

**Author's Note:**

> So this was more rambling about events than actual going, and a lot less dialogue than I wanted to. Baby steps, baby steps. I hope you enjoyed this little bit! :)
> 
> If there's anything that seems familiar to you from other fics, then it's probably because I read those too and the idea came from them. I'm not conscious on what they are though- I know I read about the wood of the mirkwood turning a weird color when it was lit up, but I completely forgot where it came from .___.


End file.
